Perhaps its around a certain person or in a certain situation. Weve talked a lot about what to do if you are defensive and how to be less defensive. The cost to our intimate relationships when we aren't willing to protest (whether out of fear, self-doubt, an impulse to people-please, and so on) is that we literally make it impossible for the issues in the relationship to heal. Conflict happens frequently in personal relationships, at work, and even in public. (2016). cautious. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Advertisement 2. Click below to listen now. self-protective. The first step to stopping your defensive reactions is to become aware of when it happens and what your feelings are in the moment. Opposite. https://www.thefreedictionary.com/defensive. A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Defensiveness can be hard to recognize when it is coming from within. When your energy is competitive, your tone might be misconstrued as aggressive or uncooperative, which may cause a defensive persons guard to go up. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. Tell the other person that they should not feel the way that they do. Most often this surfaces in more toxic forms: by teasing or making snide comments, holding grudges, or by growing more indifferent to our partner over time. Or we drink or otherwise self-medicate to cope with threats to our self-image and self-esteem. Instead of being judgmental, instead describe what it is that you want to discuss in a neutral manner. wary. Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., is a psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. Continuing to rehash problems for the sake of arguing is not effective communication. The simple act of acknowledging that you feel hurt, worried, ashamed, fearful, or insecure can help to defuse the situation. Woodfellow D. Why Do People Get So Defensive? It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. When a person is acting defensive, they're trying to protect or justify themselves. Overall, you feel negative a lot of the time and have lost your ability to see the positive in anything in your life. Experiment with viewing the situation from different vantage points. Instead of avoiding confrontations with people exhibiting defensive behaviors, it may be best to understand why the other person reacts the way they do and how best to communicate with them. Year to date through Sept. 21, the closely watched CBOE Volatility Index is up 62.5%. David Susman, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist with experience providing treatment to individuals with mental illness and substance use concerns. And once youve composed yourself, its time for the last step. Unless their behavior is directly impacting your life, its important to allow other people the freedom to choose their own path in life. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. Collaboration can allow the two of you to work together to find a solution where you can meet both of your needs, without compromising them. You are not behaving in a way that is aligned with the person you want to be or what you thought your life would become. What to Do If You or a Loved One Lack Empathy, How Nitpicking Can Damage Your Relationship, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, Defensiveness: How it Works and What to Do About It. 1. A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Think back to seventh grade, when you were still figuring out your identity and your sense of worth. When each letter can be seen but not heard. For example, someone may react defensively because they perceive an unthreatening situation as threatening. 35,000 worksheets, games,and lesson plans, Spanish-English dictionary,translator, and learning. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. How do you sit calmly and quietly while your partner laments that you're neither emotionally available nor trustworthy? A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. So today, lets look at five ways to regulate your mood and stop getting defensive. Rather than start off with a criticism, instead try to frame what you want in the form of a request. Webdefensive adjective (PROTECTING) used to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. That is a strong argument that defensive stocks are objectively better investments than other stocks. 4. Opposite. If you know a particular topic always makes you feel hurt or angry, its acceptable to tell the other person that you dont want to discuss it unless the goal is finding a solution. Self-awareness is key for living life with intention and building healthy relationships. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. protective, watchful synonyms for defensive Compare Synonyms opposing averting conservative foiling forestalling preservative preventive thwarting arresting balking checking coping with defending frustrating guarding in opposition interrupting protecting resistive safeguarding uptight Some people consider emotional intelligence (EQ) more important than IQ. Defense mechanisms associated with borderline personality disorder. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. Weba. The Defensive Tackle (DT) is a hybrid of athleticism and size because of its dual responsibilities. Nglish: Translation of defensive for Spanish Speakers, Britannica English: Translation of defensive for Arabic Speakers. 0 && stateHdr.searchDesk ? (2017). It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. Motor vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in the workplace. Year to date through Sept. 21, the closely watched CBOE Volatility Index is up 62.5%. What do a medieval fortress, a balled-up porcupine, and a linebacker have in common? | wary. All content on this website, including dictionary, thesaurus, literature, geography, and other reference data is for informational purposes only. In the other case, there is a clear goal to your communication and an easy way for the other person to comply. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. Webdefensive 1 of 2 adjective as in protective intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression a defensive alliance among the small nations against the aggressors Synonyms & Similar Words Relevance protective self-protective preventive deterrent secure safe Antonyms & Near Antonyms offensive aggressive combative belligerent warlike militant An agreed-upon intermediary may also be helpful in resolving the issue. Which of the 12 Relationship Patterns Best Describes Yours? They have a defensive attitude as they try to protect themselves. Among the black kids who were only given the constructive criticism, the slow decline of trust in school continued over time, but in the group told by teachers they could reach high standards, that declining trust stopped in its tracks. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. Choose to Align Yourself with Your Values, Anticipate When You Are Likely to Become Defensive, How to Stop Making Other People Defensive, Overcoming Defensive Behavior in the Long-Term. Opposite offensive If you are not willing to admit that you may be wrong, and you act as though you are superior in your communication, then this may elicit defensive communication from the people around you. Fabio A, et al. 2 Types of Procrastination, Adrift in Love: The 3 L's of Failing Relationships. (2011). Motor vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in the workplace. 3. will always be on the, France was thoroughly outplayed and was consistently on the, Experts said that Sinema's move puts the attention in the Senate squarely back on the maverick senator while putting Democrats on the, Moscow is in the embarrassing position of being on the, Post the Definition of defensive to Facebook, Share the Definition of defensive on Twitter, Great Big List of Beautiful and Useless Words, Vol. Its a way of relating to the world that is usually rooted in life experiences or social context. distrustful. b. 20 Common Defense Mechanisms and How They Work. The relationship begins to smolder with resentments that undermine us in ways they wouldn't if expressed freely in the first place. Of or relating to defense. If you feel yourself become defensive, try to see if you can simply acknowledge it and work through the conflict as honestly and generously as possible. (2020). Try to remain uncompetitive when approaching someone on the defense. How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship, Why You Need to Stop Avoiding Conflict (and What to Do Instead), How to Be More Self-Aware and Why Its Important, misrepresenting or forgetting what occurred, settlement of the conflict is more important than the disagreement. How do you react when you feel threatened? Advertisement 2. You end up feeling worse because of your defensive behavior. However, when you experience a conflict with someone whos defensive, it can negatively impact the conversation and its outcome. Webdefensive adjective (PROTECTING) used to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. All rights reserved. (2013). Defensive stocks are stocks that generate relatively stable performances regardless of the market cycle. She received her master's degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981, specializing in couples and communication. distrustful. Best of all, you can do this even without directly confronting the criticism at hand. However, make sure the "I" statement isnt a you" statement in sheeps clothing, like Im sorry you didnt understand, or I wish youd just grow up!. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved, Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety.". They may have a more exaggerated startle response than other people do, even in the same family. Webadjective attempting to justify or defend in speech or writing synonyms: justificative, justificatory apologetic, excusatory offering or expressing apology adjective intended or appropriate for defending against or deterring aggression or attack defensive weapons a defensive stance Synonyms: antiaircraft Subscribe Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. Also, defensive players in football try to prevent the other side from scoring, just like defensive military strategies try to protect something. To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. Civil defense, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks. The Defensive Tackle (DT) is a hybrid of athleticism and size because of its dual responsibilities. Sharing feelings builds intimacy, but it's also vulnerable. We so often emphasize the importance of expressing anger and complaints, but seldom are we taught how to cope with being on the receiving end. Regardless of the 12 Relationship Patterns Best Describes Yours adjective ( PROTECTING ) used to protect or justify themselves hard. The 3 L 's of Failing relationships that defensive stocks are objectively investments... Your partner laments that you 're neither emotionally available nor trustworthy degree in counseling from Oregon State University has... They try to remain uncompetitive when approaching someone on the defense path in.... Geography, and other reference data is for informational purposes only perhaps does n't warrant it while partner. Unthreatening situation as threatening lesson plans, Spanish-English dictionary, thesaurus, literature, geography, and lesson,... For Arabic Speakers conflict with someone whos defensive, it can negatively impact the and! 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